It is a truth universally acknowledged that Christmas brings out the best but also the worst in us. At this time of year, as the temperature soars outside, our emotions also go into overload and those unresolved issues which have been plaguing us throughout the year hit overdrive.
If we are not careful, our relationships often join the turkey on the carving plate. Having represented families who split up over the Christmas period I can tell you that separating at this time of year is never a good idea. If the idea of spending more than two consecutive days with your “loved” ones is more than you can bear, you need to remember that Christmas is not just about you. If you have children, you have to remember that doing a dummy spit and walking out on your family may perpetually Grinch you in the eyes of your children. You will be the parent who stole Christmas.
Children are capable of deciding who was “right” and who was “wrong” in their parents’ break-up. They will be hurt if they think you didn’t love them and wanted to be elsewhere. They will see it as an act of abandonment.
True, leaving any time is hard to do but there are better ways to leave than others. So here are the twelve tips of Christmas to prevent you burning your fingers:
- Resist the urge to leave immediately before or after Christmas: you will kill Christmas for all time!
- Avoid dropping hints of the impending doom to friends and family.
- Avoid excessive alcohol: don’t come home from the office Christmas party drunk or late
- Do not play happy families then announce you are leaving the day after the holidays!
- See a counsellor before Christmas and if you can’t speak to a trusted friend about how you’re feeling.
- If you can’t stand the heat in the kitchen, do something that is seen as helpful: leave and do the shopping, do the gardening, walk the dog, take the kids to the beach.
- Don’t avoid your partner – try and engage with them but do this without sarcasm or resentment.
- If you’re the one who goes along with what your partner wants, do this a bit longer to get through this period.
- Buy thoughtful gifts but do not overcompensate for the impending separation. If your gifts are strangely generous they will be remembered instead as “manipulative”.
- If you’re involved with someone else, take a time out from them over Christmas and focus on your family and their needs, not your own desires or that relationship.
- “Smile though your heart is breaking” (Lyrics J Turner, G Parsons).
- Get sound legal advice from a lawyer with good alternative dispute resolution skills i.e. a Collaborative practitioner and accredited Mediator before announcing separation.
